bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can't turn off my feet"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
