why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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