I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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