How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
