Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
