and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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