My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize