i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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