HIV tests are more positive than that guy
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
