Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
