do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
