Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
