barbara walters just said penis...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Houston, we have a blender
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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