I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize