I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
