What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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