found the other keg... it's in the tree
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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