So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
