No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
