You work out of a Hotel?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
this is an emotional support booty call
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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