i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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