Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
