During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize