its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
