how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
