I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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