I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
two words: eviction party
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize