I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize