So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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