I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
