I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
