If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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