If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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