Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
