If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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