was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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