So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
