I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
