I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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