At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
cat food counts as protein by the way
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
