I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
