Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
