still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
