i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It's just like the Real World with babies
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
