How's work?
Spinning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
