Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
