We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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