Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
