Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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