You're my little dorito
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
