sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
