For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
