My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
