nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
