i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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