I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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