I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
