I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
