so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
