If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize