I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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