I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
