You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm sobbing to NWA
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
