a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
