who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
