He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize