But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
