And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
