If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
