Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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