How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
