Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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