Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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