but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i now understand why vodka
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
