You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
