I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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