summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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