omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
