Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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