i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
