dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
