i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
