I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
