I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize