what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
