Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
