i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
