I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
