Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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