I'm jealous of your bromance
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
