I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize