We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
