I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize