do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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