Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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