Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
