You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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