idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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