Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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