So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize