We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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