I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
