I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
