so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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