you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize