my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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